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MarriagePath Radio

Broadcasting from Southlake, Texas at DLC Studios. It’s MarriagePath Radio. A place to grow, learn and find healing in your marriage. From money to anger. From In-laws to sex. MarriagePath is just what the doctor ordered. Your host is nationally recognized author, psychotherapist, and speaker, Dr. Les Carter. Do you have concerns about your marriage? MarriagePath wants to help guide you to a more healthy and vibrant relationship. Simply visit MarriagePath.com now and let us know how we can help your marriage not only survive – but thrive!
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Now displaying: Page 4
Mar 8, 2016

Description:

Marital partners may say they trust each other, yet their communication can consist of chronic bickering, or perhaps there is little personal disclosure, or maybe they struggle to find points of agreement.  For trust to be trust, it has to be demonstrated in real life situations. In this episode, we will examine ways that show if trust truly is (or is not) an integral ingredient in the marriage.

Something to Think about:

 

  • Trusting partners have few incidents of defensiveness.
  • When you develop trust in a relationship, it is the result of truly knowing each other from the inside out.
  • Trusting partners naturally seek for clarification when communication breaks down.  They don’t readily become argumentative.

 

Let’s Talk Question:

What would you say are the top 3 or 4 indicators that trust is fully intact within a relationship?

Mar 1, 2016

Description:

When you and your partner disagree it can be easy to slip into a win-lose manner of communicating.  When this happens, control and stubbornness become central as listening and cooperation fade.  In this episode we will explore how efforts to win ultimately lead to relationship loss, and we will then identify healthy alternatives.

Something to Think about:

 

  • An unwillingness to concede that others have differing preferences leads to a tendency to lord over that person.
  • Marriage is not a battleground. You are helping no one as you attempt to vanquish your own teammate.
  • True winners show honor to the other person by trying to learn that person’s truth.

 

Let’s Talk Question:

When you and your partner go into a conquering form of communication, what common patterns emerge?  What are your better alternatives?

Feb 23, 2016

Description:

When we think of a person who is overwhelming or domineering, it is common to interpret that person as very strong.  Yet simple logic tells us that one who belittles and demeans is anything but strong. Real strength is measured by traits anchored in gentleness.  In this episode you will be challenged to prioritize traits like respect, humility, and patience as you seek to become a person of influence.

Something to Think about:

 

  • The more overwhelming a person is, the more it illustrates deep hurt and insecurity.
  • Self restraint (not insulting outbursts) is an indicator of real fortitude.
  • A gentle person is more likely to be in touch with the more meaningful aspects of life like goodness, grace, and dignity.

Let’s Talk Question:

What fears do you believe are at the base of an insulting, overpowering manner of communication?  As an alternative, in what way can gentleness indicate strength?

Feb 16, 2016

Description:

Some individuals can treat anger like an old friend who is not good for them, yet they continue to go back to it because of familiarity.  This can represent emotional laziness.  Rather than quickly returning to maladaptive anger, though, it is possible to choose new patterns, and this episode will challenge you to rethink who you want to be when tensions rise.

Something to Think about:

 

  • Chronically angry individuals live with the illusion that they can control the external world.
  • “That’s the way it’s always been” is not a good excuse for repetitive anger.
  • You can rehearse in your mind your cleaner approaches to anger provoking situations.

Let’s Talk Question:

In what circumstances is anger displayed by you because it is just your old habitual way of responding?

Feb 9, 2016

Description:

Love is much more than a fuzzy feel-good experience, as delightful as that might be. Love requires friendship, purpose, planning, initiative and communication.  In this episode we will identify four distinct aspects of being in love, with the goal of stimulating you to examine how you can build a broad and deep foundation for rewarding exchanges.

Something to Think about:

 

  • Maintaining a love relationship involves a multitude of variables that go beyond just feeling good about each other.
  • When elements of love seem missing, communicating your needs in a constructive manner is of utmost importance.
  • The marriage relationship is the one place where you have a chance to impact your partner in ways that no one else on earth can.

Let’s Talk Question:

To you, what is the most important ingredient necessary for a longstanding love relationship? Why?

Feb 2, 2016

Description:

When you feel angry, you are not bound to raw reactions. You can make well-informed choices regarding your use of anger.  In this segment, we will identify five basic choices you have as you experience anger.  Knowing your options (both healthy and unhealthy), you can become more effective in keeping anger within reasonable boundaries.

Something to Think about:

  • Suppressing anger is a choice, just as assertiveness is a choice.
  • If you are inclined to become harsh in your anger, that is not the result of an uncontrollable impulse.  You are responsible for how it comes out.
  • Managing anger is a matter of personal initiative, as opposed to hoping others will cooperate with you.

Let’s Talk Question:

If managing your anger is indeed a choice, why do you suppose so many people struggle with making wise choices?

Jan 26, 2016

Description:

It should come as no shock when marital partners disagree and feel angry.  That is part of life, and there are clean ways to address the disputes.  Some individuals, however, become so intense in their emotions that their behavior becomes abusive.  In this episode we will identify eight indicators of verbal abuse, and we will also discuss ways to respond to the abuse so it will not increase.

Something to Think about:

 

  • The beginning of abuse involves a need to dominate and belittle.
  • Abusers are hurt people and they somehow justify to themselves that the way to alleviate the hurt is to dole out hurt.
  • When responding to verbal abuse it is a mistake to assume you can reform that person’s thinking at that moment.

 

Let’s Talk Question:

In your opinion, how do verbal abusers rationalize their behavior so it seems less severe than it really is?

Jan 19, 2016

Description:

Many marriages experience undue strain because they are built upon a set of expectations that cannot be sustained.  While romantic, eros love has its place, abiding love is anchored in an appreciation for the mundane, less stellar elements of relating.  This episode will contrast infatuated feelings with a grounded approach toward the concept of being in love.

 

Something to Think about:

 

  • Infatuated feelings ultimately place such a weight upon a relationship that it leads to predictable collapse.
  • True love builds slowly as time allows the participants to get to know the sum total of the other person’s pluses and minuses.
  • Intimacy can actually be built upon knowing the worst about each other as you then learn how to bring balance to one another’s lives.

 

 

Let’s Talk Question:

What example from your life would illustrate how true love can exist even when the relationship does not meet ideal expectations?

Jan 12, 2016

Description:

One of the most difficult patterns of life is narcissism, a deep sense of self-absorption driven by entitlement and manipulation.  This episode identifies 8 qualities to watch for as you discern if you are dealing with a narcissist.  Once you recognize the narcissistic pattern, you will probably need to determine how to apply firm boundaries, as opposed to getting caught in circular arguments you will never win.

 

Something to Think about:

 

  • Narcissists operate with low empathy and high control.
  • True intimacy is difficult with a narcissist because of the inability to coordinate.
  • Rather than getting caught in circular arguments with a narcissist, it is wiser to live out your assertions with decisive priorities.

 

 

Let’s Talk Question:

In what ways have you felt trapped as you try to coordinate life with a narcissist?

Jan 5, 2016

Description:

Agitation and conflict can be part of marriages, but when it becomes persistent or exaggerated it creates an atmosphere of abuse that can lead to nothing good.  Too commonly partners can remain in a cycle of abuse and great damage is done to the relationship.  This episode addresses the serious nature of abuse and identifies ways to respond if it is ongoing.

Something to Think about:

 

  • It is never right or good to make excuses for abusive behavior.
  • Abusers have a multitude of psychological problems that need to be addressed in an accountable atmosphere.
  • As it becomes clear that abuse will be ongoing, staying in the relationship makes less and less sense.

Let’s Talk Question:

What rationalizations have you heard from people who try to minimize the seriousness of abuse?

Dec 29, 2015

Description:

Every person alive has a natural predisposition toward selfishness. While not a flattering thought, your understanding of this can prompt you to seek alternatives.  Healthy individuals recognize that humility can be prioritized over prideful self absorption, and by doing so they can be positioned to have mature lifestyle habits.

Something to Think about:

 

  • More than just raw egotism, pride is at the base of a very wide array of troublesome emotions and behaviors.
  • When people choose to de-emphasize pride, they begin the process of their own maturation.
  • Humility is the foundation for real emotional strength and lasting influence.

 

Let’s Talk Question:

In what ways do you need to exchange selfish behaviors for the more humble alternatives?

Dec 22, 2015

You can tell if individuals operate with healthy self-acceptance by simply observing their behaviors.  For example, when you have chronic agitation or if you argue too easily that tells us you are struggling inwardly.  This episode will identify 10 ways self-acceptance is truly made known.

Something to Think about:

 

  • Your communication style, especially in moments of strain, offers a clear commentary about your levels of inner well-being.
  • Self-accepting people feel little need to defend or control.
  • Once you shore up your inner security your manner of relating will improve significantly.

Let’s Talk Question:

In your life, what behaviors indicate that you may be struggling with inner well-being?

Dec 15, 2015

Description:

You can quickly discern how healthy an individual is by observing the way that person responds to hurt and tension.  Ideally it is best to allow emotions to be present even as you objectively figure out the wisest ways to maintain balance.  Unfortunately some people respond to tensions with a Victim’s Mentality, meaning they stay stuck in troublesome patterns.  This episode will expose 10 ways Victim’s thwart personal growth, and you will be challenged to develop the mind of The Overcomer.



Something to Think about:

  • Life can bring pain and it is normal to experience strained emotions.

  • Perpetual Victims can be so invested in blaming others that they become their own worst enemy.

  • Overcomers know that even when people and events disappoint, they are still responsible for their own choices as they move forward.



Let’s Talk Question:

Why do you suppose it is so tempting to blame (as opposed to being objective) when problems arise in key relationships?

Dec 8, 2015

Description:

You want your home to be the place where you can relax, unwind, and be fully you, right? Unfortunately some relationships generate enough strain and tension that it does not leave you feeling safe in your own home. In this episode we will compare and contrast what it means to create unsafe versus safe ingredients in your primary relationships.



Something to Think about:

  • Safe people can handle conflicts using dignified communication.

  • Whereas unsafe people sabotage intimacy, safe people are skilled at being approachable.

  • Safe people stay away from invalidating or defensive exchanges, emphasizing empathy and fair-mindedness.



Let’s Talk Question:

“What needs to change in your home so a feeling of safeness could be more prominent?”

Dec 1, 2015

Description:

At times, family problems can be greatly exaggerated by the use of alcohol.  When a person has difficulty maintaining balance in alcohol consumption, it is highly probable that imbalances will occur elsewhere.  In this episode we will discuss the potential pitfalls of imbalanced alcohol use, focusing on helpful suggestions that will assist you in keeping alcohol from being a negative contributor to your primary relationships.



Something to Think about:

  • Misuse of alcohol commonly adds to relational and emotional tensions.

  • Alcohol use is most likely to be balanced when you have a well-conceived plan regarding its place in your life.

  • When individuals can be objective in determining modesty, it usually is the result of an empathetic attitude.



Let’s Talk Question:

“In your home, what does your attitude about alcohol say about your overall approach to relationships?”

Nov 24, 2015

Description:

Sometimes, no matter how right or appropriate you are, your efforts to address frustrations fall flat. At that point you may need to reassess your goals to include the release of your anger – letting go of it. This choice is not always desirable or natural, but it may represent your best option for inner peace. In this episode, we’ll explore what it means to move beyond repetitive anger.



Something to Think about:

  • The truth is that sometimes the same old problems recur no matter how cleanly you attempt to resolve it.

  • Many individuals become weighed down by their anger as they continue to apply the same maladaptive efforts that have not worked for years.

  • Releasing anger requires you to manage your emotions well especially when others are not coordinated with you.



Let’s Talk Question:

“What are some of the most common repetitive scenarios in your home where you find yourself at an impasse?”

Nov 17, 2015

Description:

When you commit to a long-term relationship, you probably have some level of expectation that you will experience a reasonable synergy. Unfortunately, some individuals find themselves in close relations where that synergy will never materialize, leaving them with the question: “Now what?” This episode will help you explore your options when faced with a relationship that may never live up to reasonable expectations.

Something to Think about:

  • Not all matches are made in heaven, but that does not necessarily mean they are doomed.

  • Regardless of the other person’s lack of connection to your heart, you are still responsible for monitoring your responses wisely.

  • Deep disagreement gives you the opportunity to discern how to manage your anger and tension constructively.

Let’s Talk Question:

 

“Why do some people seem to be oblivious to insight and awareness, even when you have done a good job explaining yourself?”

 

Nov 10, 2015

Description:

In a high percentage of conflicts, the exchanges devolve into an argument about who is most correct.  Inevitably, this means someone has to be labeled incorrect, and therein lies a serious problem.  This podcast asks:  What might happen if we agreed to be less concerned with absolute correctness and more concerned with establishing a fair-minded exchange of give and take?

Something to Think about:

  • Arguing right versus wrong tends to put the relationship into an instant adversarial mode.

  • Maybe you could learn something if you allowed others to have their separate opinions, freeing you up to become a better listener.

  • Being right is good; being loving is even better.

Let’s Talk Question:

 

“What is it about being right that could become dangerous?”

 

Nov 3, 2015

Description:

Let’s hope that when you are in your 50’s, 60’s and beyond, you will handle life with a fuller maturity than when you were in your 20’s and 30’s.  For this to happen, you will need to contemplate who you are and where your life is headed.  In this podcast, four distinct life stages will be identified and you will be challenged to consider where you are in your own maturation process.

Something to Think about:

  • Ultimately, maturity focuses less on external tasks and instead emphasizes internal contemplation.

  • Many adults never take the time to consider the kind of legacy they want to leave behind.

  • As you mature, you are able to examine your own mistakes as part of the journey.

Let’s Talk Question:

“What primary qualities would you expect to observe in an adult who is committed to an ongoing effort to live maturely?”

Oct 20, 2015

There is no relationship where every minuscule aspect of life can be fully disclosed.  Yet when deliberate efforts are made to hide events or significant facts, problems are sure to ensue.  Healthy relating consists of keeping no secrets of a moral or ethical matter, and by having the fullest accountability that common sense allows.  In other words, being known is essential to being securely connected.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“When has secretiveness hindered your ability to draw close to someone?”

Something to Think about

  • You are only as healthy as your secrets allow you to be.
  • Keepers of secrets usually have a deep history of feeling judged and controlled.
  • Secretiveness becomes its own form of imprisonment.

Want More?

 

Visit MarriagePath.com

Oct 13, 2015

When family members disagree, they can readily resort to arguments about the correct way to manage the problem. (“This is the way it ought to be.”)  In many situations, though, correctness is not necessarily the ultimate determinant for resolving problems.  Sometimes wisdom is needed as a means of discerning how to address problems with full discernment.  In this podcast you will be challenged to recognize that while it is nice to be right, it is even better to be wise.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What is it about the deep need to be correct that can ruin relationships?”

Something to Think about

  • A primary focus on correctness tends to overlook deeper emotional issues, as if the inner person is unimportant.
  • Overly correct people lack the patience to get to know someone’s back story and to allow resolutions to unfold over time.
  • Wise people like to hear about others needs, interpretations, and desires as they discern the best ways to engage.

Want More?

 

Visit MarriagePath.com

Oct 6, 2015

Too commonly family members can resort to a scolding form of expression as they attempt to express needs and preferences.  Virtually never is the result positive, yet it can become habitual. This podcast focuses on the damaging effects of scolding communication as it then contrasts it with a more agreeable way of managing disagreements.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“When you are scolded, what does it do to your approach to that relationship?”

Something to Think about

  • Scolding virtually never solves any problem.
  • Scolding is a shame based form of communication.
  • Scolders are deeply insecure as assume they will not be heard unless they establish superiority.

Want More?

 

Visit MarriagePath.com

Sep 29, 2015

Passive aggressive anger involves the expression of hurt or frustration in a hidden fashion that minimizes personal vulnerability.  Some people use this form of emotional management so commonly that it is a defining feature.  This podcast will help you identify when others are dragging you down with passive aggressive tactics, focusing on how you can respond in ways that will keep you from feeling trapped by its manipulations.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What are some common passive aggressive behaviors that sometimes show up in your closest relationships?”

Something to Think about

  • When you enter a power play with a passive aggressive person, you lose.
  • The passive aggressive pattern is anchored in fear disguised as control.
  • A break-through in passive aggressiveness cannot happen without humility.

Want More?

 

Visit MarriagePath.com

Sep 22, 2015

At times couples can agonize over major mistakes, lapses in moral judgment, or exposed character defects.  There is no way to make the emotion associated with these episodes feel smooth.  In this podcast we will explore how struggles with deep agony can become the catalyst for personal growth that may never have happened without the problematic circumstances.  Agony can hurt, but pain is sometimes the best way to reach maturity.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What good can come when a person experiences self-inflicted agony?”

Something to Think about

  • Agony can put you in touch with your deepest beliefs and core values.
  • When managed well, agony can prompt you to know the essence of love and mercy as never before.
  • Agony can strip you of prideful traits, and that’s a good thing.

Want More?

 

Visit MarriagePath.com

Sep 15, 2015

Relationships will quickly collapse when trust is lacking.  Trust is the precursor for skills like conflict resolution, building security, being an encourager, and instilling motivation.  This podcast will highlight 12 key ingredients that go into the making of a trustworthy person.  As these qualities are in place, there is a very high probability the relationship will be quite strong.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What do you look for to indicate a person is trustworthy?”

Something to Think about

  • Trustworthy people like to make and keep commitments.  They are not hot and cold.
  • Openness and transparency are crucial to trustworthiness.
  • Instead of being imposing, trustworthy people respect boundaries.

Want More?

 

Visit MarriagePath.com

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