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MarriagePath Radio

Broadcasting from Southlake, Texas at DLC Studios. It’s MarriagePath Radio. A place to grow, learn and find healing in your marriage. From money to anger. From In-laws to sex. MarriagePath is just what the doctor ordered. Your host is nationally recognized author, psychotherapist, and speaker, Dr. Les Carter. Do you have concerns about your marriage? MarriagePath wants to help guide you to a more healthy and vibrant relationship. Simply visit MarriagePath.com now and let us know how we can help your marriage not only survive – but thrive!
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Now displaying: July, 2015
Jul 5, 2015

You can be air-tight in your logic.  You can have excellent plans.  You can be knowledgable on a wide range of topics.  But if others don’t like you, who cares?  Before any communication can be successful, others need to feel that you are an approachable person, that you truly care.  Likability is an ingredient that will greatly enhance your influence.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“Why might likability be more important than correctness – or is it?”

Something to Think about

Before others follow your lead, they need to feel you are trustworthy.

Empathy and goodness are qualities that lend credibility to your opinions.

Simply put, others are hungry to know that you think they are significant.

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Jul 4, 2015

Many relationships suffer due to expectations and communications that are controlling, conditional, insistent, and stifling.  A better alternative is to build relations upon the notion that every person has a free will and gets to use it as common sense directs.  When you begin every exchange with an understanding that each person in the equation is genuinely free, the dynamics of the relationship change dramatically.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“How might your primary relationships change if there was less control and more freedom?”

Something to Think about

Freedom includes the privilege to choose, and the absence of coercion.

Freedom implies that each person is responsible for his or her manner of life.

Smart free people realize that consequences follow each choice, so they accommodate this truth as they engage with others.

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Jul 4, 2015

How hard is it to say the simple words “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong”?  Well, many individuals find it next to impossible to utter such a sentiment, even when the evidence is glaringly obvious that they are indeed in error.  Why does this happen?  This podcast will examine some of the behind-the-scenes tension that inhibits individuals from admitting wrongs, exploring also how this tendency can be remedied.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What is it about saying “I’m sorry” that is so threatening to some individuals?”

Something to Think about

It is not a crime to be a mistake maker.

Even when you refuse to admit wrongs, others notice them anyway, meaning you lose credibility.

Admitting faults requires humility, a trait that is not always natural to some.

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Jul 4, 2015

Some individuals pride themselves (in a good way) for their willingness to receive input, making adjustments that will benefit those they relate with.  Those same people can feel baffled when they encounter others who absolutely will not budge or make necessary adjustments.  This episode will challenge healthy communicators to understand why some folks remain stuck in their maladaptive ways so they can cease being drawn into poor patterns of reaction.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“Do you believe that some people are truly incapable of change, or is choice always at the heart of the matter?”

Something to Think about

Too commonly, emotion vetoes logic instead of the other way around.

The refusal to change is closely linked to the need to control.

Change happens when knowledge leads to wisdom.

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Jul 4, 2015

One of the most common problems in marriage and family discussions is the tendency to approach differences with an unbending agenda.  This leads to what might be called imperative communication.  While imperative people inevitably have a strong sense of correctness, they overlook how their rigidity conveys low levels of respect, acceptance, and trust.  They need to learn that their correctness can be more readily received when control is dropped in favor of dignity and open-mindedness.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“In what ways might an insistence upon correctness be detrimental to a relationship?”

Something to Think about

A lazy approach to relationships includes a perpetual appeal to rules and obligation.

Being right is not the ultimate good.

When you communicate with imperatives, there are a multitude of hidden, covert messages that sabotage relational success.

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Jul 4, 2015

If you want to ruin a relationship, merely inject critical sentiments during common conversations.  Though most people recognize the harmfulness of this trait, many can hardly stop themselves when they feel the urge to criticize.  This discussion will focus on the why’s of a critical nature, exploring much more edifying alternatives.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“Why do you suppose it is so easy for many people to slip into a pattern of expressing criticisms?”

Something to Think about

A critical spirit is an indicator of underlying anger issues.

Critical people attempt to elevate their own well-being at someone else’s expense.

The net result of ongoing criticism is diminished influence.

Want More?

 

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Jul 4, 2015

While we might be tempted to identify fear with deep dread or apprehension, it can show itself in many nuanced ways.  For instance, fearful people can be easily defensive.  They can have hair-trigger anger.  They can be evasive, and likewise, they might withdraw.  Perhaps they just smile even when they are dying inside.  This episode will discuss how some individuals may unknowingly allow fear to become so influential that it is a defining feature in their personalities.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“In what ways might fear be demonstrated in your exchanges with others?”

Something to Think about

Frequently fear can be revealed in times of anger and conflict.

One of the most common displays of fear is defensiveness.

Fearful behaviors indicates a lack of trust in oneself.

Want More?

 

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Jul 4, 2015

Confrontations are part of any ongoing close relationship.  It can actually be good to air out differences as a means of keeping a clean slate.  Some people, however, confront by asking questions that accuse, shame, or embarrass the recipient.  Predictably, a very awkward standoff can result.  This podcast will identify healthy alternatives to this crooked manner of making a point.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“When you ask loaded questions, especially in moments of conflict, what is the likely response you will receive?”

Something to Think about

Cornering questions represents a crooked way of expressing needs and feelings.

Virtually never will you get a clean response when you try to make a point via questions.

Behind the question can be a legitimate sentiment, so it would make sense to flatten out the question and simply state your need.

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Jul 4, 2015

No one is exempt from feeling anger.  Many individuals, for a wide variety of reasons, have determined that the open expression of anger will lead to no good result, so they suppress.  When that happens, the anger does not just dissolve, but it morphs into other traits like resentment, futility, anxiety, and more.  In this podcast you will be guided toward a mindset that will result in a more honest and constructive management of your emotion.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What is the net effect of holding in your tensions and frustrations for an extended period of time?”

Something to Think about

Just because you suppress your anger doesn’t mean you have gotten rid of it.

The suppression of anger is certain to create ongoing problems both interpersonally and intrapersonally.

When you choose to be open with your anger, you are not required to be a master of debate.

Want More?

 

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Jul 4, 2015

Lots of people joke about pop psychology emphasizing touchy-feely communications.  This podcast begins with the question: So what’s so awful about being touchy-feely?  Emotions are part of humanity, and when women and men become comfortable with the gentle aspects of life, everyone wins.   As you listen you will be encouraged to incorporate love as a driving force for relational wholeness.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“Why do you suppose some people are reluctant to reveal feelings, even the positive ones?”

Something to Think about

  • Relationships are more than just functional arrangements.
  • Positive emotional exchanges build bridges to the heart.
  • Everyone needs positive reinforcement, and you can be the person who provides it.

Want More?

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Jul 4, 2015

This episode opens with the story of a gentle rabbit’s engagement with a wily alligator who offers an all-too-familiar reminder that despite good appearances, some things never change.  Have you ever engaged with a person who can seem helpful and friendly, only to reveal in crucial moments there is a dangerous person behind the mask of goodness?  Thoughts will be offered about the ways to respond to the alligators in your life.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“Think of someone in your life who is an alligator.  How does that person draw out the worst in you?”

Something to Think about

  • Some people can never be trusted with your core needs or feelings.
  • When you expect an alligator to be a normal person you will get bit.
  • You cannot afford to reason with an alligator.

Want More?

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Jul 4, 2015

Many family members presume they are accepted as long as their behaviors meet proper standards, as if an air of judgment hangs over them.  By contrast, this recording will present a non-judgmental manner of communicating as lifestyle responsibilities are discussed.  Drawing first from parenting techniques that de-emphasize grades while prioritizing descriptive communication, you will learn to be creatively expressive in your adult exchanges as well.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“How would your communication be transformed if you judged less and described more?”

Something to Think about

  • Since earliest childhood we have been trained to label behaviors as good or bad.
  • Labelling inhibits individuals from exploring the real self.
  • Being descriptive allows communication to flow in a more authentic manner.

Want More?

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Jul 4, 2015

Sad as it may seem, many adults communicate like frustrated pre-teens when they disagree.  They can gripe, accuse, call names, appeal to rules, and refuse to listen…just like a common twelve year old kid.  This podcast draws out comparisons and contrasts of pre-adolescent communication to adult communication.  In other words, the listener will be promoted to ask: “Am I willing to drop childish tendencies so I can be fair-minded even in the midst of challenging tensions?”

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What does your communication look like when you or your partner go into a pre-adolescent form of exchange?”

Something to Think about

  • Pre-adolescent communication is driven by raw impulse, not thoughtful planning.
  • Many adults have not progresses beyond childhood forms of communication, even though they enjoy other forms of adult success.
  • Adult to adult communication is not typified by shame, insults, or blame.

Want More?

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Jul 4, 2015

One of the grandest wastes of emotional energy comes in the form of defensive communication.  Defensive people are putting their fears on full display, and the results are predictably messy.  This podcast will explore why individuals overemphasize defensiveness, discussing instead how they can break out of this maladaptive pattern.  Learning to build upon self-directed trust can be a preferred way of responding to uncomfortable exchanges.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“When are you most inclined to go into a defensive mode? Why?”

Something to Think about

  • Defensiveness tends to be a colossal waste of communication energy. 
  • Defensive people need to question why they are so threatened by differences.
  • By showing understanding, you do not dilute your convictions.

Want More?

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Jul 4, 2015

Angry people often display a forceful and bold mannerism, giving the appearance of  strength and confidence.  Yet, the more overpowering people are in conveying anger, the more it indicates hidden insecurity.  Secure people don’t have to belittle to get their point across, nor do they feel the need to force-feed their opinions.  This episode will examine how a truly secure nature is at the heart of constructive anger.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“When your anger gets the best of you, what insecurity are you commonly struggling with at that moment?”

Something to Think about

Loud, abrasive does not indicate strength, but weakness.

Angry adults usually reveal hurt left over from historical struggles.

Secure people communicate anger with respect, not insults.

Want More?

 

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Jul 4, 2015

Notice that the question is not “Are you controlling?”  Each person has some inclinations toward controlling behavior.  Acknowledging that, you can learn to identify the ways you may inadvertently attempt to control, with the goal of communicating with a much cleaner manner.  In a twist of logic, you can learn that the best way to be in control is to stop trying to be in control.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“In what ways are you most inclined to display a controlling nature?”

Something to Think about

Control is an illusion.  The more you attempt to control, the more out of control your relationship can become.

You are most in control when you cease attempting to be so in control.

Each person has the option to choose how to pursue life, no matter how strongly you attempt to control.

Want More?

 

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Jul 4, 2015

Usually when couples marry they assume they are a good match.  But as time marches on and they are exposed to a broadening array of life experiences, some partners conclude that they are not as good of a match as they once felt.  It is at this point that the relationship can come to a crossroad.  How couples choose to manage differences will literally make or break the marriage.  In this podcast, you will be challenged to learn how to use differences to your advantage.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“In what ways do you feel mismatched in your marriage, and how does this impact your behavior as a spouse?”

Something to Think about

Feeling mismatched is not necessarily an indicator of a bad relationship.

Mismatches can create opportunities for personal growth.

In the midst of a mismatch, you are still responsible for your own relationship healthiness.

Want More?

 

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Jul 4, 2015

Have you ever told a lie?  Or perhaps it would be more accurate to ask when the last time was that you lied.  Sometimes lies are bold and brazen while other times they are communicated via insincerity or even silence .  Either way, a relationship is going to be damaged by an ongoing hedging of the truth.  In this recording you will be challenged to learn why people lie and the importance of maximizing truthfulness.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What price have you had to pay for telling a lie?”

Something to Think about

Lying is driven by fear.

Lying leads to a host of other relational and emotional problems.

Lying can indicate a passive aggressive approach toward conflict resolution.

Want More?

 

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Jul 3, 2015

This episode begins with a heart-warming story about a young teen learning an important life lesson about dignity from an unexpected source.  The podcast elaborates on the theme of innate goodness and how each person deserves proper treatment even when it may not seem natural or deserved.  Dignity is not a quality that has to be earned; rather it is a gift that is given from a heart of decency.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“In your past, what experience have you had that highlighted the importance of recognizing human dignity?”

Something to Think about

Dignity simply is.  It is not an earned quality.

Whether you know it or not, your understanding of dignity is demonstrated many times each day in the way you treat others.

Being a giver of dignity makes you a more content person.

Want More?

 

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Jul 3, 2015

Many people can communicate firmly, but with a force that is rude and combative.  Others can be calm, but with a manner that invites invalidation.  Would you believe that it is possible to blend your firm convictions with a calm disposition?  If you want to manage personal boundaries well, you can choose to stand strongly for your needs without also being argumentative and imposing.  It requires self-restraint, but a calmly firm person can truly become a person of influence.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“Why do some people not recognize that harshness is an unsuccessful way to state firm convictions?”

Something to Think about

Forceful communication usually ensures that a valid message will not be well received.

Simply put, people like to be addressed in a respectful manner.

When you are attempting to sway someone to your perspective, less is more.

Want More?

 

Visit MarriagePath.com

Jul 3, 2015

Some relationships are suffocated by the persistence of jealous emotions.  When jealousy is prominent, the initiator is inevitably controlling, angry, and insecure…traits that are hardly conducive to relationship success.  The recipient of jealousy can feel trapped, invalidated, and misunderstood…hardly the qualities that lead to happiness.  If jealousy is not thwarted, the relationship is bound to flame out.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“If a relationship is defined by large doses of jealousy, what does that say about the participants?”

Something to Think about

  • Jealousy is a cross between anger and insecurity.
  • The heavy use of control puts a relationship on a fast track to destruction.
  • You won’t really know if a person is committed if there is not a spirit of freedom in the relationship.

Want More?

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Jul 3, 2015

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.  Good communication begins with empathy, being a listener who tunes into the other’s perceptions and feelings from that person’s frame of reference.  When empathy levels are low you can expect control and insensitivity to dominate the relationship.  But when empathy is strong, coordination and connection are much more likely.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“What do you suppose is the greatest impact you can have on a relationship by the consistent use of empathy?”

Something to Think about

Empathy involves listening, but it is much more than that.

Empathetic people make consistent use of patience as they take time to sift out why people are the way they are.

The best way to be understood is to show understanding.

Want More?

 

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Jul 3, 2015

Too many individuals manage emotions and communications without really considering what they want to accomplish.  In other words, they can be haphazard in the ways they conduct life.  Conceptual thinkers, however, take the time to ponder who they are:  Why do I communicate as I do?  What are the wisest ways to manage my frustrations?  What are my relationship goals, and how do those goals inform my behaviors?  Instead of merely reacting to what is in front of them, these people are guided by purpose and principles.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“In what circumstances do you tend to react first and think later?”

Something to Think about

When you do not take the time to consider where you are going in your primary relationships, you usually find yourself in an emotional ditch.

Conceptual thinkers recognize that there is no such thing as a meaningless exchange.

 

Conceptual thinkers like to be challenged regarding the why’s of their relationship skills.

Want More?

 

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Jul 3, 2015

One of the primary ingredients in people who succeed in relationships is conscientiousness.  This is a rich trait that encompasses reliability, courtesy, patience, trustworthiness, consistency, and anticipation.  As you prioritize this trait, your influence increases as others view you as one who “gets” the essence of goodness.  On the other hand, the lack of conscientiousness leads to all sorts of relationship strains that could otherwise be avoided.  You get to choose.

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“To you, what does it mean to be a conscientious person?”

Something to Think about

Conscientious people begin with the recognition that life is not all about me.

Conscientious people actively look for ways to help another person’s life go better.

 

By being conscientious, your emotions tend to be more steady and purposeful.

Jul 3, 2015

Do you ever become angry?  Well, of course you do.  Anger is part of your humanity.  A better question is:  Once you elect to express your anger, how do you manage the emotion?  Some elect to be forceful, abrasive, caustic, or insulting.  They mistakenly assume that the more aggressively they convey their thoughts, the more their words will take root in the other’s mind.  (Actually, the net result is that people can barely tolerate ongoing aggression.)  Some, however, choose to communicate with assertion, speaking about their needs and convictions while demonstrating respect for the other’s dignity.  Which tendency describes you best?

Let’s Talk

One of the most important aspects to positive change is communication and questions are the best way to gain deeper insights and develop more innovative solutions. So each week, I ask a question.

“When your anger becomes aggressive, how are your closest relationships affected? Why do you do this?”

Something to Think about

At the moment you feel anger, you have choices.

Aggressive anger causes a person to be so consumed with Self’s needs that the other’s are dismissed.

 

Assertive anger involves standing for self respect while also showing respect toward the other.

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